2001-09-23 - 12:17 p.m.

Not gonna eulogise about the higher emotions of humanity nor tread the pseudo intellectual writing path...just a plain old diary down here,my heart-felt feelings and moments in my banal life.

Months have passed since the last update and the proverbial sands of time have indeed scattered their magic.From the whiney corporal in BMTC to a whiney Chemical Engineering student in NUS;a total change in lifestyle,in image and most importantly in character.

'Amazing' perhaps best sums up the happenings to me in the last few months.

First and foremost,was the acceptance into my (then) desired course...which I sadly realised now,is just another tough and under-valued degree from NUS.True,the path one takes is trodden out by oneself...but it takes a one hell of a revolutionarist to take the path never taken.Judging by the prospects facing those in my course who had graduated,just thinking of the fucking future is enough to make me down the whole packet of Panadol (washed down with Chivas Regal).

I hope you're reading this Ruqi,I don't think you do anyway...which perhaps gave me the guts to write out my thoughts down here for the world's scrutiny.

I remembered the day which marks the beginning of the end(I'm just being my presumptuous self down here,there wasn't even a start to begin with),I was caught in the rain at Tanglin and drawing out my phone card I just wanted to give you a call to chat on happenings in our lives and such.Thinking of those times when I could just talk to you for hours on the phone was pure solace from the daily-shit-different-day routine in army,I'm still just a soul who needs someone to share my thoughts with...Well,the call slowly morphed into an ugly exchange of words and ugly words were slung:I'm sorry for saying those things,and yeah we can still be friends.And I hope you'll remember the quote from Soren Kierkergard which I used to answer the question of why am I going after you:'Love is not knowing why.' I have never been able to open up enough until I started talking to you is perhaps the better answer now,you provided the comfort which is really sorely lacking in my life till then.Fuck the army!

All the best to you Ruqi,I want to let you know that you still have a place in my life and I have never felt as strongly for any other person than for you.Not trying to act Mr Romeo down here,but I always kept what you told me at Zouk in my heart.Sipping cocktails and you telling me I have 'a fair chance' was maybe the sweetest defining moment in my life this year.Thanks for the memories,hope to see you soon girl.

Sigh,sorry folks for depressing you all,time has shown it's tragically beautiful effect on our paths again,and I'm sure it's not the last...

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