2002-02-17 - 3:40 p.m.

Post Valentine's Trauma 101

17th Feb 2001

Prologue

After a rather hostile takeover of Mother Earth on 14th February by lovers and Forever Friends Teddy Bear plushes, the dust had settled 3 days later...

Phew, time for me to wake up from my self-imposed state of coma! Took in a lungful of post Valentine's air...

Recce mission, enter Nose (Act I)

sniff... sniff. No scent of roses, now for my trusty nose to scan for other icky scents of romance like Lavender, bitter chocolates and Durex rubber.

Nose: Coast is clear guys, recce mission is A-OK... the front-troops now *oohp (Black Hawk Down Ranger's lingo for affirmative).

Ears: Roger that!

Signs of worse things to come, enter Ear (Act II)

Damn, is that the R + J soundtrack in my CD player? No!... not the hi-bass version of Cardigans, there's only so much saccharine Lovefool that i can take. Man, why is there a sudden urge to go to the beach and write a journal while listening to Radiohead's Talkshow host... luckily my surname is not Montague and my best fren aint no Mercutio.

Ears: Thumbs down guys... reinforcement! Enemy straight ahead... and FUCK you Nose!

The revelation (Act III)

Time to use my most trusted of senses... I look Not with my mind but with my EYNE, and I give a fuck if Wing'd Cupid is painted blind. Damn, firepower is too strong... Fishtank: 2m 12 O'clock! Nobody is behind it...Dammit, where is Claire Danes on angelic Wings when u need her. So this is a R + J set without the good stuff eh? Next thing I'm gonna see myself decked in bright Hawaiian shirts in Verona ,totting guns, get obsessed with Catholic imagery and angels... there's a balcony...

Balcony Scene, FIBUA village (Act IV)

aarrghh, must I belt out Romeo, O' Romeo and swear by the inconsistent moon? Okies, I shall swear by the moon: FUCK U INCONSISTENT MOON... it doesnt help that i'm not Italian and look nothing like Leo Di Crap. I can almost see myself dying in front of a dead Juliet surrounded by candles... and Reddy, Shixian and friends will soon be addressing each other as Tybalt, Rosaline and Mercutio: ' am I fortune's fool!'

Seven 11 (Act V)

So they dunt sell poison at the neighbourhood 24hr mart... how am I gonna end dis misery of eternal pain? Thou art a villian, fuck u Valentine's... am I gonna die in fairest Verona...

Eyes and Mouth: Young men's love lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.

Dick: ...and in their dick too.

Epilogue

Brother just came back from army decked in the gallant green: 'Eh, whole day drink and club, u not sian ah?'

Father:" Zouk again right? I dunt mind u drinking, but..."

Lala Cousin:' Wah lau, why did u draw a moustache on the R + J poster? LDC's sooo cute...'

Toilet bowl:" Stop puking into me every week!"

Me:'Huh? Zouk? I'm never drunk, serious! Speak not to me, for I'll not hear a word, do as thou wilt for I have done with thee...'

Daryl:" Wanna come out for lunch?"

Me:'No kid, maybe u wanna come out for chem engineering bash at Chinablack? Thy seeing fairest maiden on angelic wings, pray! Hold the adieus...'

Daryl:" Are u drunk?"

Exeunt all.

(NB: the above is a fictitious narration)

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